I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
