Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
