My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
