she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
