i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
