Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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