the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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