I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
