Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
