She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize