420 ftw
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
