You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
