Kiss
Puke
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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