I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
