Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
3 2 1 whiskey
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
