You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
