Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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