T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
