You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My feet surprised me
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