..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i don't like sucking hair
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
