you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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