Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
