New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
