and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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