God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
