So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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