I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
