I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
