i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
