Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
