can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
