you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
