Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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