look no pants
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
