Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
