oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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