I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
