Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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