you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
