he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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