What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
