there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
