You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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