Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
