I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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