I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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