i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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