i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
