theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
