When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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