Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
