he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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