You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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