Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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