i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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