apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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