They should really pass out barf bags in church
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
