I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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